Ten “Commandments” of Coaching
Ten Commandments Suggestions of Coaching
The challenge came across my desk to write “The 10 Commandments of Coaching.” I have been coaching for almost 10 years. I choose to follow the coaching model in helping others overcome the daily challenges and emotional roadblocks that plagued them because I did not want to be told what I could and could not do. The therapeutic model seems to be more restrictive that way. Coaching is more of a collaboration an agreement between the coach and the client. Having said that I still think there is a common protocol that many coaches adhere to. I hesitate to use the word commandment because my mind goes rigid hearing it like I must do this and that isn’t coaching so I added suggestions to keep me aligned. Here is my list of suggestions that I think a good coach would use and practice while working with clients. If you are looking for a good coach and they have these qualities than I think you are in good hands.
1) Rapport is vital
The coaching relationship is a collaborative effort that focuses on the changes a client would like to make and growth they wish to achieve. It is important that the client and coach share a connection that will allow and encourage honesty in communication to be able to achieve results. I am always willing to meet with potential clients on a consulting basis so that they have a chance to get to know me a little and see if we mesh. If at any time in the process we fall out of sync I always encourage clients to not give up on the process just find someone that they connect with.
2) Be Resourceful
One size does not fit all. A good coach will be able to approach a problem from many different angles depending on the client and the situation. A good coach is intuitive. When one thing is not working then they should try something new.
3) Respectfulness is Critical
It is important in a coaching relationship to have a courteous regard for your client and their decisions and lifestyles. It is not my role as a coach to impose my beliefs but to help the client be in alignment with their own beliefs. A good coach will be objective and teach universal principles to help clients achieve clarity and insight.
4) Be a Refuge – A Place of Safety
As a relationship coach often times people are very emotional and vulnerable when they visit me. They may have suffered rejection and disappointment. They may be experiencing a lot of self-doubts. They need to know that they are safe to share whatever they are experiencing and I will respect them and remind them of their worth and value.
5) Relax and Be Relatable
It is important to be authentic and let your clients know how you or others have dealt with similar situations. When they know others have found solutions it gives them hope to find their own. Drama often creates anxiety. Sometimes with a bit of humor, a difficult situation can be diffused. Once we relax we can find logical connections or alternate meanings to our thoughts that are not as painful. Solutions are easier to see.
6) Teach Responsibility
One of the first life principles I review with my clients is that they are 100% responsible for the world they create. The only way to control any outcome is to control OUR response to an event. Things happen that we have no control over, but how we respond, what we do or don’t do will determine the final result. If you want something to change you have to change how you act or react. A good coach can give you the tools to transform but they can’t make you use them. Using the tools is your responsibility.
7) Be a Rock by Being Reliable
Clients seek a coach because their foundation is crumbling. A good coach has a firm foundation. They have done enough of their own work and continue to manage their own issues so that they are available and present. A good coach is strong enough that when they need to stand firm they can. It is not always comfortable to call someone on their stuff but sometimes it is necessary. Let your clients know they can count on you to handle the hard stuff.
8) Recognize Faulty Stories
Things are not always as they seem. A good coach listens to what is said and what is not said. Often the truth is somewhere in between. Be willing to see all sides of a situation. Helping others to uncover or see the lie in what they believe is a powerful gift. A good coach can help to craft new powerful stories, perceptions or illusions to replace the faulty painful stories.
9) Coaching Should Be Revealing
Coaching is a place to encourage self-discovery. It is an opportunity to learn and accept new aspects of yourself. It is a marvelous place to experience your wholeness. Your light and your shadow. When you acknowledge and experience light aspects of yourself you may feel overjoyed. When you encounter your shadow you may feel disgusted, but because you have a guide you also have hope that now exposed you can transform the darkness into light.
10) Encourage Results
Coaching is about creating new possibilities. It is about transforming an old way of being. A good coach will be gentle but hold you accountable to what you want to create. They will remind you of what you want and help you find ways to achieve that result.
